Wal-Mart, Mexico Exploring Sovereign Country Joint Venture

Deal May Grant Wal-Mexico "Ambassadors" Diplomatic Immunity

With President Bush’s announcement that he will send 6,000 National Guard troops to the border with Mexico, Wal-Mart was forced into “desperation creativity”, according to top executives. Fearing the supply of low-wage workers would dry up, Wal-Mart entered into high-level talks with Mexican President Vicente Fox about establishing a joint venture country on the Texas/Mexico border.

Under leaked terms of the deal, Wal-Mart would buy a 50,000 acre plot of desert from Mexico for an undisclosed sum. The new country, dubbed Wal-Mexico, would consist primarily of airport runways, which would shuttle its citizens to Wal-Mexico embassies—large tent cities baring the Wal-Mexican State Emblem—adjacent to Wal-Mart Supercenters once a month.

“This proposal is a win/win/win situation that could avert a huge disaster for us,” said a Wal-Mart spokesman. “We get the labor we need without the burdensome worker regulations, Mexico will get a small cash payment for useless land its citizens would be welcomed to Wal-Mexico, and Americans no longer have to worry about immigration issues.”

“The 11 million undocumented U.S. workers will be able to apply for instant citizenship at a nearby Supercenter, and they’ll be welcomed into the Wal-Mexico Embassy immediately,” the spokesman continued.

Wal-Mart executives say the benefits to its investors and customers won’t stop there. Wal-Mexico will reportedly tax its citizens a 40% income tax on the $10 per 16-hour day wage it expects to pay its ambassadors. The wage, considered low in the U.S. but comparatively high in the future Wal-Mexico, will result in significant cost savings for Wal-Mart customers. “We’re talking handmade sweaters for $2.49, frozen breakfast burritos at 10 for a dollar” said the Wal-Mart spokesman.

President Bush said the plan had merit. “The guest worker program I proposed isn’t going over so well, so I’m open to alternatives that will satisfy all parties. I’ll be meeting with Vicente at the proposed site near Laredo next week. I’ll be looking into his heart to see if he’s serious about it.”

A sticking point will be whether Wal-Mexicans will be granted diplomatic immunity. Representative Tom Tancredo (R-CO), is against the plan. “The Mexicans got here by breaking the laws of the United States. Now, we’re going to give them diplomatic amnesty, too? If they don’t have to follow our traffic laws, for instance, you’ll see 10 ambassadors driving down the road in a beat-up Celica all the time. It sounds like a disaster.”

Wal-Mart executives were cautiously optimistic. "We haven't drawn up a Constitution yet, but we do have an order from China for some very large tents," said one Wal-Mart source who refused to be identified.